Welcome to The Button ("thebutton.club", "the Site", "this ridiculous thing"). By accessing or making a purchase on this website, you agree to be bound by these Terms and Conditions in their entirety. If you do not agree, please close this tab and reconsider your life choices.
These Terms constitute a legally binding agreement between you ("the Presser", "the User", "you") and the operator of The Button ("we", "us", "The Council").
The Button is a novelty entertainment product. When you complete a purchase, you are paying for the experience of pressing a digital button. This is the complete and entire product.
The digital certificate constitutes the deliverable of this transaction. It will be made available immediately upon successful payment processing. The certificate holds no legal, academic, professional, or financial value. It does, however, look quite nice.
All prices are displayed in US Dollars (USD). The following tiers are available:
Payment is processed securely via Stripe. We do not store your payment information. All transactions are subject to Stripe's terms of service. Applicable taxes may apply depending on your jurisdiction, because governments also want a piece of your button press.
There are no refunds. Full stop. We mean this warmly but firmly.
The one exception: If, due to a verified technical error on our part, your press was not recorded and cannot be resolved within 48 hours of your purchase, you are entitled to a full refund. To request this, contact us at support@thebutton.club with your order number within 7 days of purchase. Technical errors are the only grounds for refund consideration.
Regretting a purchase is not a technical error. Showing your spouse the receipt is not a technical error. Having an existential crisis about consumer culture is not a technical error, though we understand if pressing The Button triggered one.
If you are located in the European Union, you would normally have a 14-day right of withdrawal on digital purchases under EU Directive 2011/83/EU. However:
This waiver is captured via the mandatory checkbox you ticked before payment. We record the timestamp of that consent. You ticked it. We saw you.
If you are located in the United Kingdom, equivalent provisions apply under the Consumer Rights Act 2015. By completing your purchase you similarly request immediate delivery and acknowledge the same waiver of any applicable cancellation right.
We take chargebacks seriously, primarily because they are annoying and unfair when the product was clearly described and knowingly purchased.
You must be at least 18 years of age to make a purchase on this site. By purchasing, you confirm that you are 18 or older. You must also have the legal authority to enter into binding agreements in your jurisdiction.
There is no minimum net worth requirement to press The Button, despite what the branding implies. We welcome all income levels, though we do judge quietly.
Upon purchase, your name (as provided during checkout) will be added to the public Hall of Fame displayed on the Site. By providing your name, you grant us a non-exclusive, royalty-free license to display it publicly on the Site for marketing and entertainment purposes.
You may request removal of your name from the Hall of Fame by contacting us. We will process removal requests within 30 days. Removal does not entitle you to a refund. Your press still counts.
All content on this Site (including but not limited to the button, the certificate design, the copy, and the general absurdity) is the intellectual property of The Button and its operator. You may not reproduce, copy, or redistribute any part of the Site without written permission.
You are, however, enthusiastically encouraged to screenshot your certificate and post it everywhere on the internet. That would be very helpful to us.
We are also not responsible for loss of dignity, damage to relationships caused by explaining this purchase to a significant other, or any existential consequences of having pressed The Button.
The Button is provided "as is" and "as available." We make no warranties, express or implied, regarding the button's ability to change your life, impress your peers, generate financial returns, or do anything beyond what is explicitly described in Section 1 of these Terms.
The button will be pressed. The certificate will be issued. That is all we promise, and we promise it sincerely.
These Terms shall be governed by and construed in accordance with the laws of Ireland. Any disputes arising from these Terms shall be subject to the exclusive jurisdiction of the competent courts of Ireland.
If you are a consumer located in the EU, you may also benefit from mandatory provisions of consumer protection law in your country of residence, which these Terms do not override.
We reserve the right to update these Terms at any time. Changes will be posted on this page with an updated date. Your continued use of the Site after changes constitutes acceptance of the new Terms. We will try to notify you of significant changes, though admittedly our communication infrastructure is primarily a button.
For support, delivery issues, or existential questions about your purchase, contact us at: support@thebutton.club
We respond to genuine technical issues within 48 hours. We respond to regret with empathy but not refunds.
By pressing The Button and completing payment, you confirm that you have read, understood, and agreed to these Terms and Conditions in their entirety. You also confirm that you are doing this of your own free will and that no one from The Council held a gun to your head, metaphorically or otherwise.